In the Fire

My life has been so busy these past few weeks.
I started online classes for my BSN on Sept 27th. Let me tell you, I have been out of school for too long. These classes are kicking my butt!! Between working full-time, extra meetings for work, and schoolwork - there is just not enough hours in the day.

The attacks on my mind, spirit, and body were severe. I was so stressed and tired that my mind was foggy, my brain was not working, and I had trouble even doing the simplest things. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. The stress built, and built, and built until by the end of the first two weeks of classes, I told someone I could not take much more, that I felt like I was in the fire and being consumed.

And just when I thought I could take it no longer, that my grip on the rope holding me up was slipping, just then...I received an email from a friend/co-worker. It included the following story (paraphrased) and scripture:

Malachi 3:3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.

The story talks about a lady watching a silversmith refining silver. He has to keep it directly in the center, the hottest part of the fire. He has to watch it all the time and remove it at just the right moment. And He knows just when it is done because he sees his image in it.

I read that and just started laughing. It so hit home. I had mentioned being in the fire and being consumed. The fact was, I had been in the fire, but I was not consumed. I was being refined. I was being watched every minute and at just the right moment I was removed. Even though I did not think I could handle much more, God knew just when I needed to be removed from the midst of the fire.

That knowledge was a turning point for me. The severe oppression, depression, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, and I Can't Take Much More so I should just quit - those feelings left!

As for school, I have a B in one class and an A in the other with 2 1/2 more weeks to go. I can only say I made it this far with God's help and I am depending on him to help me the rest of the way.

This past weekend started off good. I got off work at 0730 Saturday morning and was on vacation!! Monday morning, I started feeling weird and by Monday evening I was sick. I had lots of complaints: abdominal soreness, headache, nausea, heartburn, loss of appetite, and extreme tiredness. I could hardly hold my head up, so I slept and slept and slept. Right now it is almost 0400 on Wed morning, I am starting to feel somewhat better. I am hoping it continues and the rest of my vacation is illness free. I have so much I want to do, but I know the majority of my time will be focused on school.